That’s how many people populate the earth as of today, find the stats here. 7.5 billion and so many individuals have to live feeling like they matter to no one. Approximately 3000 per day to be exact. There’s something wrong with that equation. Why are so many many people so lonely and sad that they decide to take there own life? That’s not really something I can answer, and I guess maybe that’s not the only reason as I’m sure that they all aren’t completely alone but neither am I and I still find myself thinking of suicide on a regular basis. I’m not going to do it at least not anytime in the near future as I am living a life of recovery and am an attempted suicide survivor but on so many days even if I’m in a room full of people I feel so lonely, as if my life doesn’t matter to anyone. Sure I have kids but as inadequate as I feel at times I do wonder if they’d be better off if I didn’t exist.
When those feelings arise I have to ask myself a few questions. Such as what promoted this thought, what promoted this feeling, what is true about my thoughts and how can I change my feelings?
Lets give an example…
Failure as a mother
I began motherhood trying to be the best mom I could be. I wanted to be the absolute best to the point of perfection. However my circumstances, (being a single mother is alittle harder) don’t allow me to be any where close to that mom that was in my mind so when I fail to do something I had my heart set on something it kind of makes me feel like a failure. I’m watching multiple mothers around me grow and bloom in ways that I can only dream of. That doesn’t bother me at all, I love seeing them succeed and it kind of gives me hope. But because they’ve managed to juggle multiple areas of life and I’m over here struggling unable too accomplish anything and when I try to do anything no one acknowledges what I’m attempting like it’s not important I can’t help but to have down feelings and thoughts of committing suicide to escape the cruel harse world.
How do I get past it? By asking myself what provoked this thought, what provoked this feeling, what is true about my thoughts and how can I change my feelings?
My thought is that I’m a failure and have no support. My feeling is alone and depressed. I have been already feeling down about myself regularly because it’s ingrained in my thoughts already that I have failed at everything in life. Now what is true about the statement that caused my thought? The facts state that my business venture has not been successful. Does this statement say anywhere that I am a failure? No. It states that my business failed, even that in this one particular instance I did fail. But does that mean I fail at every thing, absolutely not. How do I change my feelings? By recognizing the facts of the situation and three facts of my life as a whole. I must remind myself that however alone I feelin a situation, or however I think another person proceives me that there are 7.5 billion others in this world and that one person on that one day, even if it’s myself does not determine my existence as successful or as a failure.
By acknowledging the facts, and accepting the thought I had as negative, first thought wrong, I can decide to change that thought to a more positive one. For example, everyone thinks I’m a joke, a failure, and no one listens to anything I have to say. Changed to more positive, they’re comment wasn’t intended to be against me or say that I’m a failure. Maybe what I am doing is not what I was meant to do. I am not a failure, I did the best I could but now it’s time to move on, keep searching for my purpose and keep a an open mind, maybe my purpose is right there in front of my face and I’m not recognizing it.
Now decide to change your feeling. This may take alittle time to get used to but acknowledge your feeling, I feel so alone and I fail at everything because no one supports me. I’m so sad and want to give up. Those thoughts and feelings are dangerous. As soon as you recognize it, change it. Tell yourself out loud. I am not a failure, I am extremely successful in all that I do, I am not alone, instead of feeling sad I am choosing to feel joy and be happy.
This takes a lot of time, and is easy to fall back into the trap of negative thinking. Keep a list of positive affirmations. What you put out into the universe is what you keep attracting in your life. Don’t put sad, depressing, hurtful, doomed thoughts in your life, make a choice to feel amazing every single day. If it’s too much and you can’t do it on your own, reach out for help.
Suicide hotline is 1-800-273-8255
You can even text 838255
Please seek help before taking your life. 7.5 billion people are all around you, you are never alone!